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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27649285">Frugal Money Schemes</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LurkingPheonix/pseuds/LurkingPheonix'>LurkingPheonix</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Hetalia: Axis Powers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Crack, Educational, Fluff, Humor, Written For Fun, based on real world events, cheapskates, not meant to be taken seriously</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:20:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>10,858</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27649285</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LurkingPheonix/pseuds/LurkingPheonix</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>You think your mother's extreme couponing is crazy? Think again! The countries have absurd (and hilarious) money making schemes when they're short on cash. They'll even go to extreme measures to do it. The golden rule of this story: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Finland/Sweden (Hetalia), Germany &amp; North Italy (Hetalia), Liechtenstein &amp; Switzerland (Hetalia), North Italy &amp; South Italy (Hetalia)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>39</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Trash to Cash</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Uploading it here from Fanfiction. I made this fic when I a teenager. Man, it's been so long. Most of the chapters are based on a news articles I found.</p>
    </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Switzerland watches a distressed Liechtenstein in his office crying in her seat. Switzerland had done his best to comfort, but alas, he failed.</p><p>Liechtenstein's house was destroyed by a flood. Switzerland, being the caring big brother he is, offered Liechtenstein to stay at his house until her house is repaired.</p><p>Unfortunately, they're both tight on money. The Swiss, if he could, would have offered money in a heartbeat to repair her house.</p><p>Switzerland is in a dilemma on how to get the funds. He wants Liechtenstein to be happy, so he'll do whatever it takes to do it. He needs a quick way to make some cash. But how?</p><p>Switzerland faces his window and lets out a frustrated sigh. Suddenly, he spots Italy walking by while eating a candy bar. Italy tosses the wrapper to the ground in a carefree manner.</p><p>Switzerland bristles with anger. "<em>How dare he trespass </em><em><strong>and</strong></em><em> litter on my property." </em>He takes out his gun, ready to scare off Italian, but stops. He stares at the wrapper Italy dropped, and an evil grin crosses his face.</p><p>He knows just how he's going to raise the money. And Italy is going to help whether he wants to or not.</p><p>Switzerland takes out a different gun from his desk. He turns to the small country and says, "I'll be right back, I need to do something important." Liechtenstein sniffles and nods she heard him.</p><p>Switzerland exits his office and prowls through the hallways looking for a window with a good view on Italy. When he finds a good window, he opens it and steadies his gun on his target. The unaware Italian sniffs a flower and sighs in happiness.</p><p>The Swiss shots and it hits his target. Italy falls to the ground, paralyzed. Switzerland leaps out of the window, running towards the fallen body. It's a good thing he keeps a blow dart gun handy.</p><p>Switzerland grabs Italy by the collar. Italy, unable to move, screams, "Please don't shoot me! I have relatives in your country!"</p><p>Switzerland shakes him hard. "Hand over all of your country's trash, now."</p><p>Italy's tears stop falling. He tilts his head in confusion. "Ve, don't you mean cash?" Switzerland sets Italy on the ground and points the blow dart gun to the Italian's head. "Do I have to repeat myself? Hand over all your trash. Now."</p>
<hr/><p>Romano is in a foul mood. His own brother ditched him for the potato bastard, his tomatoes taste like crap, and Spain called him Roma.</p><p>Romano's cell phone rings and sees Italy on the caller I.D. "What does he want now?" He answers the phone with an angry, "What do you want."</p><p>"<em>F-Fratello, I need y-your half of o-our country's t-trash."</em></p><p>"What kind of stupido request is that? What do you even need the trash for?"</p><p>"<em>Switzerland wants our t-trash. Please, I need it! If I don't give it to him right now, he'll shoot me and hunt you down!"</em></p><p>"…."</p><p>"<em>Romano, are you still there?"</em></p><p>"I'll get all the trash I can get."</p>
<hr/><p>Switzerland smirks in triumph. His country's trash, combined with Italy's, will bring in the money.</p><p>Switzerland points to his humongous trash. "Here's the trash, just like I said Sweden."</p><p>Sweden remains silent. He hands Switzerland a suitcase full of money. Sweden stares intently at the trash pile. "…This will help my country's energy plants….."</p><p>Switzerland counts the money in the suitcase. It's enough money to rebuild Liechtenstein's house. "Pleasure doing business with you."</p>
<hr/><p>Spain smiles. He couldn't wait to see his little tomato~</p><p>He notices that the door to Romano's house is left open. He finds that a little strange. He enters the house and sees the Italians cowering and hugging each other on the floor.</p><p>Spain becomes worried and gets on his knees. "What happened?"</p><p>Italy whimpers, "We were robbed."</p><p>An alarmed Spain rapidly looks around the house, expecting toppled objects and ruined furniture. It appears it's not a robbery gone bad. The Italian brothers don't have to replace anything in the room.</p><p>"What did they steal?"</p><p>Romano and Italy say, at the same time, "Our trash."</p><p>Spain stares at them, bewildered. "<em>One man's trash is another man's treasure? I think this robber took it too literally."</em></p><p>Frugal money scheme: <strong>Success.</strong></p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The one time Switzerland doesn't chase Italy off his property is when he wants his trash. XD</p><p>In Sweden, the Swedes use their trash for energy in their energy plants. Currently, they need all the trash they can get, so they turn to other countries and buy their trash. :D (Well in 2013 when I read that article.)</p><p>While I was adding the tags for this story, I realized I spelled Liechtenstein's name wrong. It's been spelled incorrectly on Fanfiction for 8 years and no one told me......</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Intimidation Tactics</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Sweden's scary appearance is useful.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sweden helps Finland work on repairing his Santa sleigh. It's old and it requires children to believe in Santa in order for it to fly. But lately, fewer children believe in Santa Clause.</p><p>He knows Finland is very upset about this. Because of lack of beliefs, Finland's sleigh is slower and has more difficulty flying. Thus, fewer children are getting presents. This causes even more children to stop believing in 'Santa.'</p><p>Finland takes a breather and sighs in disappointment. "Sweden, I don't think I can continue. This sleigh is not going to work anymore, no matter how hard I try to repair it."</p><p>Sweden's face shows no emotion, but on the inside he's worried about his wife. Giving presents to children is Finland's passion. He'll never have the same spark he does anymore.</p><p>Finland reaches into the sack resting next to his sleigh. He hands Sweden a horror movie. "Can you please return it to America? I…can't at the moment." Finland trudges back inside the house.</p><p>Sweden stares at the movie in his hands. Then a brilliant idea hits him.</p><p>Why not buy Finland an early Christmas present? The Swede thinks about buying Finland a new sleigh that doesn't rely on the children believing in Santa. But where can he get the money?</p><p>The horror movie in his hands gives him some inspiration. Sweden knows how intimidating he is to the other countries. (How could he not? They nearly wet his pants if he even as much looks in their direction.) He'll take advantage of this to get the money.</p><p>Normally, he would <em>never</em> do something such as this. But drastic times come with drastic measures. He'll do anything to ensure the happiness of his wife.</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Anything</strong>
  </em>
  <em>.</em>
</p><p>America's forced horror movie nights actually came in handy.</p>
<hr/><p>Italy opens the window in his villa and sticks his head out of the window. It is a beautiful day today! The pasta in the oven is cooking, the birds are singing, the flowers smell great, and a cute rabbit is playing with another rabbit.</p><p>The doorbell rings and Italy goes to answer it. "Ve, I'm coming~"</p><p>Italy opens the door with a goofy smile on his face. "Ciao-" The Italian panics.</p><p>There's a creepy guy wearing a mask at his door! The tall figure wears a while mask showing only his creepy eyes. (For some reason, his eyes look so familiar.) The masked man's unblinking eyes are scaring him.</p><p>The man holds out a bucket. "…Trick or Treat…"</p><p>Italy is confused. It's not even Halloween until next year. "It's not Halloween-"</p><p>The masked man's low voice says, "Money, now."</p><p>Italy cries and waves his flag. "Please don't rob me! I've already been robbed and I don't want it to happen again."</p><p>Sweden sighs. He's going to have to talk more than he ever has in months <em>and</em> do this the hard way.</p><p>"I won't leave you alone until you give me money." He leans into Italy's face and pulls out a plastic knife. "I wear a mask for a reason." The real reason is so that Italy won't tell anyone he robbed him, but he doesn't need to know that.</p><p>Italy pales and burst into tears. "I'll give you all the money I have. Please don't kill me."</p>
<hr/><p>Sweden holds his hands over Finland's eyes. Finland tries to peel his hands from his face. "What's the surprise Sweden, please tell me."</p><p>Sweden remains silent. He walks over to Finland's surprise and uncovers his eyes. Finland's face lights up in amazement.</p><p>In the snow is shiny new sleigh with turbo engines and sturdy ropes to hold his reindeer.</p><p>Finland lights up in joy. "H-how did you-"</p><p>Sweden swiftly avoids answering his question. "You don't need children believing in you to power your sleigh anymore." He wraps his arm around Finland. "and I'll do anything for my wife." Even robbing a harmless Italian for their money.</p><p>Finland blushes and squirms in Sweden's grip. "I'm not your wife!"</p><p>Now back with Italy….</p><p>Italy clings onto Germany and cries into his chest. "Ve, Germany! I've been robbed again."</p><p>Germany sighs in frustration. "What happened this time?"</p><p>"I was robbed by a very scary trick-or-treater, ve!"</p><p>Germany is not so sympathetic. "….Italy…..starting right now, I'm tripling you training."</p><p>"Why?"</p><p>"To man you up! You need to stop being robbed so easily!"</p><p>This is what Italy gets for ditching training today.</p><p>Frugal money scheme: <strong>Success</strong>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>And that is the story on how Finland got a new sleigh. :D </p><p>There's also a slight reference to the movie "Elf."</p><p>Poor Italy. The countries keep robbing him. XD</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The Trevi Fountain</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Romano furiously paces back and forth in Italy's villa. Italy watches, nervous about when his brother is going to explode.</p><p>Romano slams his hand against the wall. "Dammit! I'm sick and tired of being robbed! First, Switzerland robs our trash, and then <em><strong>you're</strong></em> robbed by a trick-or-treater!"</p><p>Italy squirms under Romano's glare. "B-But the trick-or-treater had a k-knife!"</p><p>Romano clutches Italy's shoulders. "We're broke! We don't even have money for tomatoes!"</p><p>Italy whimpers, "Even pasta?"</p><p>Romano shakes Italy. "Yes, even pasta."</p><p>Italy cries, "What are we going to do?"</p><p>Romano releases Italy and shoves him to the ground. Italy groans as he picks himself up.</p><p>Romano looks at Italy with a crazed look in his eye. "I'll tell you what we're going to do, We're going to make some quick cash!"</p><p>Italy smiles, "Oh, how about we sell pasta~ Our people love pasta, ve."</p><p>Romano smacks Italy. The Northern Italian snivels. His brother is being so mean to him today. Italy thinks being robbed one too many times has finally made Romano snap.</p><p>"We don't have the money for that, remember!" Romano's face darkens. "I know the perfect place to get free money."</p><p>Italy shivers. He doesn't like it when his brother makes that face. It's kind of creepy. "W-We're not going to your mafia friend's place, are we?"</p><p>"No, someplace much better."</p>
<hr/><p>Italy and Romano, in their swim suits, trudge through the waters of the Trevi Fountain gathering all the coins they can in their sacks. Tourists watch in awe and quickly snap photos and videos.</p><p>Italy almost trips over Romano's foot, but he manages to catch himself. Romano snaps at Italy, "Hurry up fratello before the cops come."</p><p>Italy picks up his pace and puts more coins in his sack. He slugs the sack over his shoulder and breathes heavily, "Ve, are you sure we should be doing this? It's illegal-"</p><p>"I don't give a damn. We're North and South Italy, we can do whatever the hell we want with <em>our </em>property." Romano waves a quarter in Italy's face. "Including these coins. The stupido tourists throw away perfectly good money for a silly legend."</p><p>A hobo strolls over to the brothers. "Can I have those sack full of money? I-"</p><p>Romano holds his sack protectively. "Hell no! Get your own damn money, free loader."</p><p>The hobo glares intently at Romano. "If you're not going to help your fellow coin diver, then so be it." The hobo, with a quick burst of speed, thrusts Romano to the ground. Once on the ground, the hobo, with expertise, strips Romano of his swim trunks.</p><p>The hobo trails his hands over the swim trunks. "Hey, this is some good quality swim wear. I can get some decent money from it."</p><p>Romano, blushing horribly, uses both hands to cover his family jewels. "H-Hey you bastard! Give it back!"</p><p>The hobo gives him an evil grin, "Screw you." The hobo quickly exits the huge fountain with the swim trunks in hand.</p><p>Italy tries to appeal to the man, "Please come back! I'll make you some tasty pasta!"</p><p>The police appear as soon as the hobo left. One of the police officers shouts, "You're under arrest for theft and public indecency."</p><p>Romano curses and shakes his fist at them, "You'll never catch me alive."</p><p>Cat calls and whistles are heard from the crowd. Romano is nearly blinded from the flashes from the photos.</p><p>Italy jumps in front of Romano and hugs him. Now no one can take pictures of his brother's private parts. "I'll shield you Romano!"</p><p>The cops swarm around the two Italians, cuffs ready.</p><p>Romano struggles to get Italy off of him. "Get off of me, fratello! It's looks disgusting."</p><p>Italy shakes his head. "No! Then everyone will see your Tower of Pisa."</p><p>Romano blushes terribly. "Why do you call it that!"</p><p>"That's what brother France calls it."</p><p>"….He's dead when I break out of jail….and that damn hobo too…"</p><p>He can't believe they're caught, but not that hobo. He's going to get his revenge when he finds him.</p><p>The next day, Spain had to bail them out of jail because they couldn't pay the fee. (And Spain had to bring them clothes, too.) The newspaper in the Spaniard's hands didn't bring any good news wither. The headline?</p><p>
  <em>
    <strong>Sexy Twin Incest in Trevi Fountain. Foiled Bonnie and Clyde Robbery?</strong>
  </em>
</p><p>Romano didn't know what was worse: the fact that people thought he was romantically involved with his own brother, the Italian media strangely referred them as Bonnie and Clyde, or there are videos of the incident on YouTube.</p><p>In the end, they didn't keep to keep the money they collected from the fountain. The brothers were forced to turn it over to the cops. All he got from his hard work is nothing but embarrassment and shame.</p><p>The other countries will never let them live it down at the next world meeting.</p><p>Frugal money scheme: <strong>Failure</strong>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>A traditional legend holds that if visitors throw a coin into the fountain, they are ensured a return to Rome.</p><p>An estimated 3,000 euros are thrown into the fountain each day.</p><p>Poor Romano, there are videos of him naked on the internet. XD Italy just had to make it worse.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Sexy German Car Wash</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>There must always be a fanservice chapter.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Germany looks at his brother in disappointment. Prussia is moaning in pain from his hangover. He's lying on his bed, with his blanket only covering half of his body. Prussia grips his head and weakly says, "West, tell the light to shut up."</p><p>Germany glares at Prussia harshly. "Do you know that I have to pay for that bill you left at the bar? I can't afford it right now."</p><p>Prussia pulls his blanket over his head. "I didn't drink that much."</p><p>Germany yanks the blanket from Prussia. Prussia tumbles to the floor ungracefully. "You drank over 20 bottles of expensive beer! And on top of that, you got drunk and destroyed the bar's karaoke machine."</p><p>Prussia uses the bed to steadily lift himself up. "The awesome me didn't get completely drunk. The bar didn't even have a karaoke machine."</p><p>Germany, red face with anger, yells, "Because of you, not anymore they don't."</p><p>Prussia stumbles to the door. "I have an awesome idea. Let's raise some money to pay for the bill."</p><p>Germany raises an eyebrow. Prussia actually has a good idea? In the morning? This is the only bright side of Prussia's hangovers; he gets some decent ideas from it.</p><p>"What do you propose we do, then?"</p><p>Prussia grins. "We're going to use you neat freak skills to use," Prussia groans and heads towards the bathroom down the hallway. "After I'm done with this hangover."</p>
<hr/><p>It was about four in the afternoon when the brothers were finally ready to do Prussia's idea. After the morning fiasco, Prussia, shockingly, took some responsibility to do his idea: a car wash.</p><p>Prussia is in their driveway preparing their mini car wash. A giant bright yellow sign with the words "Awesome Car Wash Here!" in Prussia's handwriting is seen on the garage door. A few lawn chairs are scattered around the driveway. Prussia turns on his iPod to a random song. He takes the hose and sprays the water into the buckets. He dips his hands into the buckets and rubs the water onto his face.</p><p>Prussia grimaces. "I didn't think it was going to be this hot today." Prussia wipes his hands on his black wife beater shirt.</p><p>There's tons of cleaning supplies in their house. Prussia thinks they might as well put it to use besides Germany cleaning the house. (It's already spotless, dammit! But no, West can't see that.)</p><p>Prussia feels a little guilty. Yes, he, the awesome Prussia can feel guilt sometimes, even though he doesn't like showing it. The Prussian knew that they were tight on money, but he went out drinking with the other members of the Bad Touch Trio anyway. Germany puts a roof over his head, and this is how he repays his brother.</p><p>Germany walks out of the house with towels, sponges, a cash box in the shape of a German Shepard, and soap. Germany sets the supplies next to the radio on the table.</p><p>Prussia raises an eyebrow. "Is that it? I thought you had more."</p><p>Germany replies, "Ja, I do, but I'm not wasting all of it. I still need it to clean the house."</p><p>Prussia holds up the hose and says, "We don't need it anyway. We can just hose the cars anyway. It's not like they'll notice." Prussia has a devious plan. He doesn't want Germany to know about it just yet. If the German discovers his plan too soon, he'll put a stop to it.</p><p>Come on, he doesn't want to work on a hot day like this! It's the perfect time to score some woman.</p><p>Germany scolds him. "Nein, that is deceitful. You shouldn't-" Germany is interrupted by a woman in a dirty red sports car pulling up into the driveway.</p><p>The blonde woman stops the car. She lowers her black sunglasses and dully says, "Look, I need a quick wash. My car drove through a huge patch of mud and it got all over my car. I, like, can't go to my friend's pool party like this."</p><p>Prussia is glad he set up the mud on the road earlier. It'll help bring in the customers sooner. What? He didn't want to stand there all day waiting for people to come. And people say he didn't think through his plans.</p><p>Prussia places his hand behind her back. "You can sit on the lawn chair over there while you wait." The woman nods and goes to find a good spot.</p><p>Prussia waves to Germany. "Hey West, can you go get some more soap? There isn't enough to wash this car."</p><p>Germany grumbles and walks back inside to get it. Prussia smirks. Now he can put his true fundraiser into action. He wants to fun if he has to work for money. He rushes over to the table and takes out a sticky note from his pocket. It reads "Tip Jar."</p><p>Prussia changes the song to "Too sexy for my shirt." Prussia gets into place and moves his body with the music. He teasingly shifts his white hair and winks at the woman. The woman blushes. There's even drool coming out of her mouth.</p><p>"I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt, so sexy it hurts~" Prussia slowly lifts up his wife beater, to build suspense.</p><p>The woman squeals and whips out her phone. "Get your asses over here! There's a sexy guy doing a car wash." As the woman gives her friends directions to the brothers' house, Prussia grins.</p><p>It looks like all is going according to his plan.</p>
<hr/><p>Germany walks out of the house with loads of soap in his arms, blocking his view as he carefully walks out the door. He hears several women, and a few men, screaming "More! More!"</p><p>Germany is wondering what the hell his older brother is doing. He's almost afraid to look at his brother's stunt. He has a strong feeling he's going to have to clean up this mess.</p><p>Germany sets the boxes of soap next to the table, and then he gasps in shock.</p><p>Prussia, shirtless, is standing on the hood of the sports car waving his wife beater. The large crowd howls and hoots in excitement.</p><p>Prussia stops when he sees Germany. He jumps of the car and jogs up to him. "How do you like my fundraiser? It's bringing in the money."</p><p>Sure enough, it was bringing in the money. The tip jar is stuffed with cash. The German sheppard dog cash box looks as though it's choking on money. A mysterious box is there with large bundles of cash.</p><p>Germany explodes, "Prussia, this is inappropriate! This is not how a car wash is run!"</p><p>Prussia waves off Germany's comment. "You're right. It's usually run with lots of women." Prussia gets another bright idea. Two in one day? Prussia is on a roll!</p><p>Prussia swiftly rips off Germany's wife beater shirt. "Now there are <em>two</em> people performing."</p><p>Germany blushes badly. The cat calls and flashing lights made Germany feel even worse. The German does his best to cover himself. Germany yells, "Prussia!"</p><p>A police siren halts the commotion. A female police officer steps out of the police car. The crowd parts for her as she walks toward the brothers.</p><p>"So this is what's causing the traffic jam. It also explains why people are pulling over and splashing their own cars with mud."</p><p>The police officer looks at Germany and licks her lips. Germany feels very uncomfortable under her watchful eyes. This woman is giving off a creeper vibe. "Maybe I won't ticket you if he continues with the…..act"</p><p>Germany sputters. He couldn't believe this woman is a police officer. Doesn't she care there are witnesses who will report her for this?</p><p>Prussia wraps an arm around his brother. "Come one, little brother, it'll be fun." Prussia lowers his voice. "You don't want to pay the ticket, do you?"</p><p>Germany reluctantly agrees. If this prevents them from getting a ticket, then so be it. Besides, he also has to pay for the bar bill.</p><p>Prussia helps Germany onto the sports car's hood. "Just copy what I do and you'll do fine~"</p><p>Germany looks over to the police officer. She has a front row seat to the "action."</p><p>"Strip tease! Strip Tease! Strip Tease!"</p><p>Germany blushes and gulps. This is officially the most embarrassing day of his life.</p><p>Is this what he gets for smirking at Romano's agony on YouTube? The Southern half of Italy always curses at him, so he glad karma bit him in the ass….literally. Germany swears he sees someone recording this.</p><p>Looks like he's joining Romano on YouTube. The countries will never leave him alone now.</p><p>Prussia screams over the music, "Say it with me: Too sexy for my sexy, too sexy for my sexy!"</p><p>Germany gulps, "T-Too s-sexy..."</p><p>Prussia pats Germany's back. "Don't mutter! Say it with enthusiasm. We'll be charged with a fine if you don't."</p><p>Germany shudders when he sees the police officer licking her lips again. She winks at him and slides her hand down her leg, and a bit under her skirt.</p><p>Germany blushes even worse. He looks above the crowd, focusing his attention on the dogs playing across the street. That way, the audience will think he's looking at them. He gulps and sings as loud as he could, "Too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt."</p><p>The crows screams, "Encore! Encore! Encore!"</p><p>It's going to be a very long day for Germany.</p>
<hr/><p>After that incident, Prussia is never allowed to hold 'car washes' –it was a strip show on a car for crying out loud- near him again. As much as it pains Germany to say it, the 'car wash' brought in a lot of money. It paid off the bill and he was able to buy more cleaning supplies. As long as Prussia doesn't drag the German into it, or the police, he's fine with it.</p><p>Speaking of the police, he's going to ask his boss to pull some strings and have her boss fire her. Germany doesn't care if he's abusing his country privileges, he wants the perverted woman fired, dammit!</p>
<hr/><p>Fugal Money Scheme: <strong>Success</strong>. A very sexy success~</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. The Imposter (Part 1)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Canada sighs as he looks into the bathroom mirror. He's dressed in America's brown suit with the bomber jacket on top. Canada fiddles with America's glasses. <em>It's a good thing America and I have blue eyes, or else I'll have to find contacts at the last minute.</em></p><p>Canada glances outside the open door to see a unconscious and naked America tied up in chains. America is still pale from shock and fear. Kumajiro, wearing the white sheet, hovers over America, America's iPod in his paws. The polar bear plays with the iPod, looking for decent lyrics to hear.</p><p>Canada still can't believe he's doing this to his own brother. Maybe he should have dressed America before tieing him with the chains. But then again, he doesn't feel comfortable doing that. The Canadian recalls what had happened earlier before he got himself into this mess.</p>
<hr/><p>
  <em>Canada drowns his pancakes in maple syrup. He's very frustrated, even though his face doesn't show it. Cuba beat him up the other day –mistaking him for America, again- and stole his money. Apparently, America owed Cuba money from their last poker game and the American refused to pay him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Now, Canada doesn't have enough money to buy maple syrup tomorrow. Hell, he doesn't even have money for food in general.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada furrows his eyebrows in irritation. "Oh Maple, if only I can stand up to America." He and his pet polar bear are going to starve because America didn't pay up.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kumajiro shuffles from his spot on the Canadian's lap. "Feed me, what's-your-face."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada sighs. "I'm Canada, your owner."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kumajiro reaches for the plate of pancakes. "Who?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada frowns. He restrains his polar bear, wrapping his arms around its waist. "That's my pancakes, kumajiji. Your breakfast is on the floor."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On the floor is an empty red bowl. The bowl is licked clean of the salmon that was in it a while ago.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kumajiro struggles to escape from Canada's grip. "I'm still hungry. Feed me, stingy human."</em>
</p><p>"<em>I haven't eaten yet. And, I'm not stingy. I gave you a tasty salmon, eh"</em></p><p>"<em>It was tiny! Hand over the pancakes, stingy human!"</em></p><p>
  <em>Yes, Canada is having an argument over food with an animal. It's a normal occurrence for him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Loud knocking at the door interrupts their arguing. Canada sets the polar bear down and grabs his plate of pancakes. He doesn't want kumalilo (that's his pet's name, right?) eating his pancakes the moment he turns his back on him.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada goes to answer the door. He opens it to find America standing there, energetic as usual. He can tell by the knocks that it was America. The American is the only person Canada knows who obnoxiously knocks on a door like that.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>America beams at the Canadian. "Hey Canada-" America actually remembers his name this time. "how are ya?"</em>
</p><p>"<em>Fine-"</em></p><p>
  <em>America snatches the plate of pancakes. He picks up the fork and sticks a huge chuck of pancakes into his mouth. With his mouth full, America says, "Pancakes for me? Great Canadian hospitality you got there." America invites himself into the house and strolls to the kitchen.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>America finishes the pancakes and deposits it into the sink. Canada follows America, silently fuming.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Forget America inviting himself into his house. How dare he eat his pancakes when the Canadian is starving!</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada whispers, "But I was going to eat that."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>America ignores him. "Hey Canada, you don't mind if I borrow your shower, do ya? My shower broke and I need yours. I got lunch with the Allies later at the usual place and time, and I don't want to smell bad. "Canada nearly snaps.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>He's only remembered for his shower!</em>
</p><p>"<em>You can't-"</em></p><p>"<em>I'll go get a towel. I already brought spare clothes." America walks to the bathroom and slams the door.</em></p><p><em>Canada is angry.</em> <em>Really</em> <em>angry. Canada may have difficulty standing up to his brother, but eating his pancakes is crossing the line! And the American had the nerve to use his shower. By the time he's done using it, it'll be filthy. Canada will have an extra chore.</em></p><p>
  <em>If he was like America, he can do whatever he wants and get away with it.</em>
</p><p><em>A brilliant idea strikes Canada. America mentioned something about lunch, so why not pretend to be America for a day? He can get</em> <em>free</em> <em>(He's can't pitch in. He's tight on money) lunch and be seen.</em></p><p>
  <em>Truth be told, Canada is going to feel very guilty if he's through with his plan.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>America yells, "Hey Canada, I'm going to borrow your sponge, I know you won't mind."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>On second thought, he's not going to feel guilty about this after all.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada calls for his pet. "Kuma, come over here. I need you."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kumajiro huffs and stalks over to Canada. "Why should I help a stranger who doesn't know my name?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada decides not to make a comment this time. "We need to work together."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kumajiro yawns and walks over to the sofa. "Why?"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada ponders for a moment. "I need America distracted so I can get us some food."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kumajiro quickly turns his attention back on Canada. "What do you want me to do?" Kumajiro wags his paw at Canada. "You better hold up on your side of the deal."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada nods. "That sounds fair." Canada looks around the living room and finds what he's looking for: a small white sheet. He grabs a scissor from the coffee table and cuts two small holes. The Canadian pulls the sheet over Kumajiro.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kumajiro blinks. He adjusts the sheet, curiosity in his eyes. "And this sheet is for…."</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada finishes Kumajiro's thought. "Pretend to be a ghost and scare America. Keep him distracted until I come back with the food." It's a good thing he knows America is afraid of horror movies. Any other time, he would feel bad for taking advantage of his brother's fears.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>But America ate his pancakes. Canada's eyes harden. America is not getting any pity right now. "America is in the bathroom-"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Kumajiro dashes to the bathroom. The door is unlocked, so the polar bear easily slips in. Kumajiro screeches, "I'm a ghost, fear me mortal!"</em>
</p><p>
  <em>America screams in terror, "Demon-ghost! Canadia, save me!" The American, still naked, runs out of the bathroom in fear. But he slips and slams into the wall. Kumajiro casually walks out of the bathroom with America's iPod in his paws.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Canada mumbles, "I'll go get the chains, eh."</em>
</p><p>Canada sighs again. The things he has to do for food. Canada fumbles with his comb, trying to comb back his curl. It keeps popping back into its regular place. The Canadian gently takes some pieces of hair and curls it into a fake cowlick.</p><p>Canada grimaces. The 'cowlick' is too curly to look like America's real cowlick, but it'll have to do. Canada decides to practice his voice.</p><p>Canada murmurs, "I'm the hero." Canada shakes his head. He needs a loud voice like America's. If he doesn't, then people will start asking questions.</p><p>Canada tries again. "I love hamburgers." It was louder than before, but not good enough.</p><p>Canada does his third attempt. "Ha ha ha! Take that you commie!" Canada smiles. He got it right this time. Canada strides out of the bathroom. He looks at Kumajrio questionably.</p><p>Canada, using his 'America' voice, says, "I'm going to get the food now. I'll be back as soon as I can."</p><p>The moment Canada walks out of the house, Kumajiro finds the lyrics he's looking for. It's the Michael Meyer theme. The haunting theme plays as America groans. He wakes up to find himself in chains.</p><p>His eyes widen. "W-What-"</p><p>Kumajiro raises his paws and says in a creepy voice, "It's time to play, America."</p><p>America screams, "The demon-ghost knows my name! I'm cursed!" America tries to free himself from the chains. "I hear creepy music! I'm going to die!"</p><p>Kumajiro smirks. He's going to have a lot of fun with the idiotic American. With him around, it'll keep the polar bear distracted long enough from his hunger pains. In fact, his growling stomach adds to the creepy atmosphere.</p><p>America shrieks, "It's going to eat me!"</p><p>Frugal money scheme: <strong>still in progress.</strong></p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. The Imposter and the Allies (Part 2)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Canada is outside the restaurant, <em>Around the world</em>, nervous. His fingers play with the brown bag strap. The bag contains the plastic bags, ready to have food dumped in it at any moment.</p><p>It's a good thing he knows where the usual place and time the Allies meet for lunch is. Even though they forgot to invite him a majority of the time.</p><p>He hopes the Allies don't recognize him as an imposter. The results would be disastrous. They'll probably beat him to a pulp for 'impersonating' a country. They don't even remember him as Canada!</p><p>All this for food.</p><p>Canada lets out the breath he was holding. He does a fist pump. <em>I can do this! America is my brother. I know him better than other countries. If anyone can impersonate him, it's me.</em></p><p>Canada pushes the door to the restaurant and enters. France and England's arguing caught his attention. It appears the group decided to eat at the back of the restaurant this time.</p><p>Last time, Russia scared the other customers away with his dark, purple aura. The manager kindly asked them to sit in the back the next time they came. (Since the Allies brought a lot of money to the restaurant, they weren't kicked out.)</p><p>Once Canada nears the group, he can hear their arguing clearly.</p><p>The men are sitting at a round table. England is at the edge of the table with France next to him. Obviously they are the ones arguing. China is sitting next to France. China grumbles as he eats his dumplings. Russia is next to China, drinking his Vodka calmly.</p><p>England slams the menu on the table. "For the last time you bloody frog, I'm not ordering French food!"</p><p>France argues back, "Why not? It's better than that English trash you call food."</p><p>Canada thinks it's a good idea to break up the fight. He remembers he has to use the 'hero' persona America blabs about. Well, here goes his best shot.</p><p>Canada waves. "Yo, the hero is here to save the day! Why don't we all order hamburgers?"</p><p>The Allies stare at him. China cynically stares at him. "You look different today, America."</p><p>Canada breaks out into sweat. <em>Maple. They caught me too quickly. I thought I would last longer than this!</em></p><p>Canada does his best obnoxious laugh. "Of course it's me, dudes. Are ya too blinded by my heroic-ness to tell?" Please, for the love of maple syrup, buy it!</p><p>France rubs his chin. He leans over the table to get a better view of 'America.' France snaps his fingers, "You have a new hairstyle."</p><p>Russia stops drinking his vodka. "Da. His cowlick is curlier."</p><p>Canada's nerves are eating him. He sits down at the edge of the seat, next to Russia, and gives a large smile. He doesn't take off his bag. Canada curls his 'cowlick.' "You think so? I think it looks the same."</p><p>They're interrupted by the waitress coming to their table. "What would you like to order, gentlemen?"</p><p>As the Allies have their orders taken, Canada quickly glances at their faces. It appears the distraction took their mind of his 'cowlick.'</p><p>When it's his turn to order, Canada says, "I'll have three double cheeseburgers, five stakes, four salmon, and an extra large drink, ma'am."</p><p>The waitress nods and writes down the order. The waitress looks used to taking America's large orders of food.</p><p>The waitress leaves after ignoring France's flirty winks. England shakes his head with shame at Canada. "God, America. Must you order tons of food every time we come here? You're going to become fat if you keep this up."</p><p>Canada thinks up a quick combat. He thinks America would in this situation. "Of course Iggy! It helps my taste buds recover from eating your crap."</p><p>England's face turns red with rage. England lunges over the table. "Why you wanker!" England is luckily held back by France and China. While France and China calm down England, Canada thinks about the British man's reaction.</p><p>Canada feels guilty. Maybe he went too far with that comment. During the commotion, Russia unwillingly hands Canada a stack of cash. Canada stares at it, confused.</p><p>Russia places it on the table when Canada doesn't take it from his hand. Russia says, "It's the money you won from our poker match."</p><p>Canada nods. "Thanks, Commie." Russia's aura returns. He mutters his infamous "kolkolkols" before his hands lingers over to his coat, prepared to take out his pipe.</p><p>Canada thought Cuba won against America in the poker game. Then again, this could be a different poker game Russia's talking about.</p><p>Russia gives a dark, cheerful smile. "I'll win the next time." Canada shudders. He hates having to say rude comments. It's unlike him. He's going to get beat up severely if he keeps this up.</p><p>England, France, and China slide a few bundles of cash across the table to Canada. China unhappily says, "Here's the money we owe you."</p><p>Canada beams. With this money, he'll have plenty of money to survive a few weeks until his boss remembers to give him money. (Sadly, he marks days on his calendar he knows when his boss will remember to pay him.)</p><p>Canada exclaims, "Thanks, dudes! I'll kick your asses for sure again." Canada winces at the curse word he said. His throat is strained from speaking loudly today. He doesn't know how much longer he can last before he starts whispering again.</p><p>Canada looks on the bright side. The countries are finally acknowledging him! (Even though they think he's America. The irony.) They're not beating him up or ignoring him.</p><p>France is upset, but cheers up. "I'll win strip poker next time~ I can't wait to see if you're wearing boxers or briefs." France winks and chuckles.</p><p>China smacks France. "Aiyah! Don't say perverted stuff at the table!" China grumbles, "I'll be the one winning strip poker night next week, aru."</p><p>Canada blushes. The Allies really were playing strip poker? He thought it was France, being <em>France</em>, trying to embarrass America. He doesn't want to know the other things America is doing in his spare time.</p><p>The waitress arrives with the food. "Here's your orders, gentlemen."</p><p>Canada digs in and eats the hamburgers first. In normal circumstances, Canada would never eat a hamburger. But, America loves hamburgers, so he has to eat it. And look immature when he's eating it too. Canada takes a bite out of the hamburger and grins.</p><p>It just like the phrase he heard: when you're hungry, anything tastes delicious.</p><p>The moment the countries are not looking in Canada's direction, he dumps the rest of the food into his bag. The plastic bad makes a slight crunch. He looks to see if the Allies heard it.</p><p>Thankfully, they're either too busy arguing or eating to notice. Canada takes this as his cue to escape. He didn't want to help pay the bill with his new found stash of money.</p><p>Canada stands up. "Hey dudes, I gotta go take a dump. I'll be right back." The moment Canada makes it home; he's going to wash his mouth out with soap. He feels very dirty.</p><p>The nations look at him with disgust. England says, "Keep that to yourself, you disgusting git! We're trying to eat."</p><p>Russia cheerfully says, "Americans are pigs, da."</p><p>Canada power walks to the direction of the bathrooms. Once out of sight of the countries, Canada dashes for the nearest window. He stumbles, but manages to open it. He ducks out of it, much to the surprise of other customers, and scrambles to freedom.</p>
<hr/><p>America sighs. He finally escaped from the demon-ghost and made it back home. He's gonna eat some McDonalds to help his hero-ness meter go back up.</p><p>Uh, he means he needs to refill his energy! After trying to heroically trying to find and rescue…what was his name again….Anyway, after determining there were no more survivors, he had to escape with minor injuries.</p><p>He can't believe a demon-ghost would tie him up in chains and stole his iPod! Looks like he's going to have to buy a new one.</p><p>America hears loud knocking from the door. He goes to see Allies, furious.</p><p>"What up, dudes? I don't remember inviting you guys for a party."</p><p>China shoves a slip of paper to his face. "Don't play dumb with us! You snuck out of the restaurant and left us with the bill."</p><p>America takes the bill from China's hand. He stares at it, confused. He doesn't remember going to lunch with them.</p><p>America exclaims, "I didn't go to the restaurant with you guys. I was attacked by a demon-ghost."</p><p>England scoffs. "And you claim you don't believe in magical creatures."</p><p>Russia takes out his pipe. "It looks like we're going to have to remind him."</p><p>The other Allies surround America, preventing him from escaping.</p><p>For some reason, America thought the situation felt ironic. But he doesn't understand why.</p>
<hr/><p>Canada and Kumajiro are enjoying their dinner. Canada kept his end of the bargain with Kumajrio. The polar bear ate the salmon in peace.</p><p>Canada shyly whispers, "Can you please turn off the music. It's kind of…creepy." The Micheal Myer music is scaring Canada.</p><p>Kumajiro shakes his head. "No. It brings…fond memories."</p><p>To Canada, it felt disturbing to hear that come from Kumajiro's mouth. Maybe he shouldn't have left him in the house alone with America. The constant hunger might have drove the polar bear insane.</p><p>
  <em>Note to self never neglect to feed Kuma.</em>
</p><p>Frugal Money Scheme: <strong>Success</strong>.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Russia's Shady Circus</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Russia and the Baltic States are in an empty field with a giant purple tent in the middle.</p><p>The Russian smiles at the cowering Baltic States. He's happy they're going to help him with his cause.</p><p>Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania shake as they watch Russia smile at them. Lithuania shivers. "I-Is there something you need us for, Russia?"</p><p>Russia nods. "Da, I do." Russia gestures to the tent behind them. "I need money for Vodka, so I'll raise money using circus." Russia had visited a circus near his home earlier in the day. The ringmaster was so understanding. The ringmaster allowed him to borrow it. Russia noticed that the ringmaster had an evil smile. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that~</p><p>Latvia stares at it. "You're using clowns? That's kind of lame." Estonia and Lithuania gasp. Both of them clasp their hands on Latvia's mouth in fear.</p><p>Russia's dark aura flares. Russia's smile stands out creepily. "We Russians take the circus seriously." Russia leans towards Latvia's face. "Very seriously, da."</p><p>Estonia tries to stir the conversation to a more positive topic. "How are we going to split the profit?"</p><p>Russia laughs, "Your pay is watching a high quality circus."</p><p>The Baltic States' shoulders slump in disappointment. They were going to work with no pay.</p><p>Hopefully, Russia won't work them to death, <em>too</em> much.</p>
<hr/><p>Russia is panicking. It is the day of the circus and the performers are missing. The audience stands are empty. The tent is silent; except for Lithuania and Latvia scrambling around, looking for the missing performers. Russia was sure the tickets are sold out. He has the money to prove it.</p><p>Despite already having the money from the ticket sales, Russia still wants to put on a good show.</p><p>Latvia makes an offhand comment to Lithuania. "Maybe the performers are a no-show because Russia scared them away? He's pretty intimidating."</p><p>Lithuania scolds Latvia. "Not so loud. W-What if Russia hears…." Lithuania pauses to hear Russia's kolkolkols. The Lithuanian waves his arms frantically. "D-Don't listen to Latvia! I-I'm sure they're all stuck..in…..traffic…"</p><p>Russia smiles 'innocently.' His smile terrifies the two countries. "Lithuania, go get Estonia from the concession stand. I need him and you two for our new…..acts."</p><p>The intimidated countries stutter.</p><p>Russia opens a chest and grins. "I have your costumes right here."</p>
<hr/><p>Ukraine and Belarus are the only ones sitting in the stands. They have front row seats to the show. Belarus stuffs popcorn in her mouth. She frowns. "Estonia gave me terrible popcorn."</p><p>Ukraine frowns. She starts tearing up. "Poor Russia! His circus is a failure. We're the only ones who showed up."</p><p>Belarus disagrees. "With all the support I gave, Russia will be so joyful he'll ask to become one with him!"</p><p>Ukraine stops crying. She looks at Belarus, confusion written on her face. "Support?"</p><p>Belarus smiles creepily. "I bought all the tickets! No one is allowed to see Russia's circus, except for me." Belarus looks thoughtful for a moment. "And you too. You're not trying to steal him away from me."</p><p>Ukraine looks at Belarus in shock. "How could you afford all of those tickets? It wasn't cheap, surely."</p><p>Belarus only replies, "It's starting."</p><p>Russia, dressed in a ringmaster outfit, stands in the center, the lights shining on him. He's glad Estonia was able to work on the lighting. It wouldn't be a circus without colorful lights.</p><p>Lithuania is waving at Belarus from his spot next to a giant ring. Belarus scoffs at Lithuania's clown wardrobe. In her opinion, the man looks ridicules. Unlike him, Russia looks handsome in his ringmaster clothes.</p><p>"Welcome ladies and-" Russia observes the stands and sees Ukraine and Belarus are the only audience members. Belarus holds up a bright yellow 'Marry me' sign. Russia shudders. He wants to flee so badly, but his pride refuses to allow him to. The show must go on.</p><p>"Welcome Ukraine and….Belarus-" Belarus shrieks 'let's become one!' Ukraine tries to quiet Belarus. "Belarus, please don't interrupt Russia. This is not a concert."</p><p>Russia whimpers. Maybe doing a circus wasn't such a good idea after all. Russia's thoughts are interrupted by Latvia walking to stand beside him. Latvia is wearing fake cat ears. The Latvian's costume consists of a white, fluffy white body suit complete with a curly tail.</p><p>Russia decides it's a better idea to distract Belarus with the circus acts. After she's distracted, he'll make a run for it.</p><p>Judging by the look on Belarus' face, he needs some very interesting acts to keep her attention from him. She looks like a predator watching its prey!</p><p>Russia attempts to smile. It's comes off awkward. The Russian pats Latvia's head. "For the first act, I'll make this man-cat shrink into a normal household cat." Latvia protests, "N-No! I'll never get a girlfriend if I get any shorter!"</p><p>Russia ignores his pleas. He pushes down on the 'man-cat's' head. Latvia squeals. He glances at Belarus and sees her bored. She's still more interested on him.</p><p>Russia stops shrinking Latvia and says, "It's time for the second act." Latvia rubs his head as he tries to walk out the back door of the stage. The former communist catches wind of this and grabs Latvia by the scruff of his collar. Latvia gulps.</p><p>"The ring of fire."</p><p>Latvia nearly faints. He was going to the hospital after this is over.</p><p>"My assistant Lithuania-" Lithuania pipes in a 'Hello Belarus.' Belarus ignores the man. The Lithuanian sighs in disappointment. "will race Latvia through the ring of fire and swim through the shark pit, and into the canon, launching one of them into the bull's-eye."</p><p>Lithuania and Latvia gasp in unison, "A shark pit!?" Lithuania is wondering what in the world a circus is doing with a shark pit. And how did they even have one in the middle of a field.</p><p>Russia uses his baton to signal to Estonia. Estonia grimaces and flips the switch. The floor opens to reveal a pool of water. Sure enough, two bull sharks jump out of the water, snapping at the air.</p><p>Lithuania begs, "R-Russia! This is inhumane."</p><p>Russia smiles. "No, it's entertainment. Now-" Russia takes a hold of Lithuania's collar. "Go!"</p><p>Russia hurls the two countries through the ring of fire. Latvia and Lithuania grab each other, screaming for their lives. The fire burns their sides as they pass through. They wince before they face palm on the ground.</p><p>Unfortunately for them, a strange creature emerged from the pool. It had the head of a shark, with body of a walrus. Latvia shrieks, "Mutated shark!" Lithuania and Latvia scream and run around with the shark chasing them.</p><p>Russia stares after them in mild surprise. <em>Why is there a mutated shark in a circus?</em></p><p>An arm grips the edge of the tank. A monkey squirms out of pool, soaking wet. It spreads its wings and takes flight. More flying monkeys mimic its actions. A few of the flying monkeys attacks Estonia.</p><p>Estonia bats them off, but trips to the ground below. Ukraine catches him in her arms. Ukraine looks at him, concerned. "Are you okay, Estonia?" Estonia just groans.</p><p>No wonder the ringmaster happily gave him the circus for free. It's pretty shady.</p><p>Belarus, seeing Russia distracted, takes advantage of this opportunity. She leaps into the air, prepared to knock him to the ground. "Marry me! Marry me! Marry me! <strong>MARRY ME</strong>!"</p><p>Russia screeches in terror. "Leave me alone!" Russia dodges Latvia and jumps into the canon. One of the mischievous monkeys lights the canon. The moment Belarus is near the canon, it launches Russia into the air and rears through the tent.</p><p>"VOOOODDDDKAAAA!"</p>
<hr/><p>From that day on, the Baltic States were afraid of going to the circus. The trauma was too much for them to handle. If any countries ever invite them to go to the circus, they run out of the room screaming. (Especially Russian circuses.)</p><p>It didn't affect Belarus and Ukraine too badly. The monkeys didn't try to do anything to the woman. The monkeys were pretty sexist.</p><p>As for Russia, he demanded laws against shady circuses. He was so adamant, no one dared to turn down his 'proposals.' (It sounded more like threats.)</p><p>No one knows where the Walrus-shark hybrid and mutant monkeys disappeared to….. Oh well. It's Russia's problem now.</p><p>Frugal Money Scheme: <strong>Success</strong>.</p><p>Russia's circus: <strong>Complete and utter failure</strong>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>The Wizard of Oz reference is the flying monkeys. I couldn't resist. xD</p><p>I remember in cartoons, circuses always had to have a freak show. So, this chapter had a freak show gone horribly wrong…..with mutant animals. :D</p><p>Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong in</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. The Extreme Cheapskates Show</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>In China's motel room, the camera crew readies their equipment with China smiling as he watches them. He never imagined he would one day participate in <em>Extreme Cheapskates.</em></p><p>China remembered badgering America to hand over the money he owes him, as he usually does. America insisted that he didn't have the money. (Damn cheapskate. The Allies already paid him from the strip poker match.) America suggested to earn money on an American reality television show called <em>Extreme Cheapskates.</em></p><p>The Chinese man didn't budge at first. But when America mentioned that all he had to do was show amazing money saving techniques and be paid for it, China agreed to the idea. Luckily, America used his connections to get him as the next guest on <em>Extreme Cheapskates.</em></p><p>China grins. He'll show those Americans a thing or two about the right way to save money.</p><p>A man comes up to China and shakes his hand. "Hello, Mr…..?"</p><p>China replies with his alias, "Wang. Wang Yao."</p><p>"Nice name. I'm Stephen David." Stephen's eyes glimmers with excitement. "We're starting season two right here in New York. Judging by what Alfred said, you're going to bring in a lot of viewers. Better than the other applicant with his dumpster diving skills."</p><p>China asks curiously, "How does this show work, aru?" China has never appeared on reality television. He's unsure of what he's supposed to do.</p><p>Stephen waves his hand. "Simple, Mr. Wang. All you have to do is tell and show us the <em>extreme </em>things you do to save money." Stephen motions to the camera crew. "The camera crew will follow you around, recording everything you do."</p><p>China beams. "Alright, aru." This will be easy. An Allies meeting is going to be held a week from today. China booked a room at a nearby cheap motel. He wanted to book at a nicer hotel, but he doesn't have the money. He betted a majority of his money on the strip poker night.</p><p>Stephen exclaims, "Places everyone! We're going to start now." When he finished his command, the camera crew scrambled into positions. China smiled into the camera.</p><p>"Action!"</p><p>China waves his sleeve at the camera. "Hello. My name is Yao Wang. I'm going to show everyone how I save money." China reaches the sleeping bag on his bed and places it on the floor.</p><p>Stephen asks, "How does a sleeping bag help you save money, exactly? You have a bed over there." The man points to the unused bed.</p><p>"Simple, aru. I charge thirty dollars rent to my tenants. At my home, I charge six hundred dollars." China smiles. His plan is genius. Yes, you have to feed the tenants, but that's it. They only get a nice place to stay and food.</p><p>Stephen facepalms. "Mr. Wang….you do know that's illegal, right?"</p><p>"It makes money, aru."</p><p>A knock at the door interrupts any future discussion. China opens the door to reveal a shady looking man. He is dressed in a long grey coat, his hat obscuring his face. "Are you Yao Wang?"</p><p>"Yes, that's me."</p><p>The shady man stares at the camera filming them. He tips his hat further to cover his face. The man sets his briefcase next to his sleeping bag. "My name is not recorded with the hotel, correct?"</p><p>China nods. "Yes, just like you asked, Steve." Steve is a very strange man. He didn't want anyone knowing he's here. Maybe he's embarrassed? As long as he doesn't commit any crimes and get him into trouble, China's okay with him.</p><p>Steve reaches into his coat pocket, looking for something. "So no one knows I'm rooming here, at all?"</p><p>"Yes."</p><p>"Good."</p><p>Steve lurks over to a woman behind the camera man. "Wanna buy some opium?" China blanches. Out of all of the possible tenants, he just had to rent a sleeping bag to an opium dealer. Opium brings back terrible memories…..</p><p>Stephen gasps. "Don't you have any shame? There's a camera rolling in this room!"</p><p>Steve turns to Stephen. "I'm sorry. I'll make it up to you." Steve holds out his 'mysterious' package. "I'll sell you opium at half price."</p><p>China quickly hurls Steve out of the room. He yells, "No refunds, aru!"</p><p>China turns around and faces the camera watching his every move, the camera crew, and a fuming Stephen. The Chinese man rubs the back of his head, nervous.</p><p>"How about I show you how I get free Wi-Fi, aru?"</p><hr/><p>China and the <em>Extreme Cheapskates</em> Crew lurk outside a room in an apartment complex. China is typing on his small laptop, which is on a small table, against the door. Stephen looks at China, in bewilderment. "Why are we here?"</p><p>China grins. "I already told you, aru. For free Wi-Fi."</p><p>Stephen looks around, anxious no one will see them. He doesn't want to get arrested for trespassing. "What about your motel room? Surely it's free there."</p><p>China's eyes darken. "There's no Wi-Fi there. I checked. Besides-" China points to his laptop. "It's free here." China broke into an apartment complex a few blocks from the motel. Some idiot left the key in a flowerpot.</p><p>Stephen scratches his chin. "Shouldn't we go to a Starbucks instead? There's free Wi-Fi there."</p><p>"It's not free, aru! They expect you to buy something before you use it." It's true. If he tries to walk in there and use his laptop without buying something, he gets dirty looks from the employees. The employees would also point to a 'No free Wi-Fi unless you buy something' sign.</p><p><em>Smart </em>people know about Starbuck's intentions and look to other places for (real) free Wi-Fi.</p><p>People are so stingy nowadays. And obnoxious too. A lot of owners lock and name their Wi-Fi networks, 'Get your own fucken Wi-Fi' or 'Sucks to be you.' Luckily, there was one unlocked Wi-Fi network named 'Killer.' Strange name, but hey, it's free.</p><p>Stephen stares at China. "So you creepily stand outside a person's apartment like an eavesdropper."</p><p>China glares at him. "I'm not eavesdropping, aru." Stephen sure is rude, making accusations like that.</p><p>A man murmurs from inside the apartment. "You have the chainsaw?"</p><p>Everyone in the hallway freezes.</p><p>"Yup. We're supposed to kill a man named Stephen David. He's in charge of a show or something. Angry ex-fan wants to kill him. Said something about Stephen rejecting him to appear on the show."</p><p>Stephen gulps and reaches for his neck. He whispers, "There's a hit man after me? With a chainsaw….." That explains the 'killer' name. What kind of hit man names their Wi-Fi killer?</p><p>China shakily shuts off his laptop and gently places it into his satchel. China slowly backs away from the door. "Let's leave, aru." China has the worst of luck today. First, the opium dealer, and now a hit man is after Stephen. Who China accidently lead to this dangerous situation.</p><p>Maybe he should have worn more red today.</p><p>The camera man backs up, but the camera on his shoulder makes a 'clank' sound.</p><p>The men inside the room quiet down.</p><p>"Ya hear someone outside?"</p><p>"Kill 'em. We can't have any witnesses."</p><p>The occupants in the hallway pales. Then, all hell breaks loose. It was every man (and one woman) for themselves. The camera crew sprints to the stairs. Surprisingly, even with the heavy equipment, they're pretty fast runners.</p><p>China and Stephen run through the other hallway, heading towards a different stairway. Stephen harshly whispers, "That is it! You're off the show!" Since they we're only on the third floor, they only needed to go down a few flight of stairs.</p><p>China's eyes widen. "Aiyah! Why? We only filmed for one day!" The two men burst through the Apartment complex's doors. They take a left and continue running.</p><p>Stephen pulls China into a Starbucks that they almost passed by. Stephen screams to China's face, "WHY?! You're too dangerous to be around. I'm going to die if I stick around with you! I was offered opium by a dealer, and you lead me to two hit men out to kill me!" The Starbucks customers stare in shock.</p><p>China glares. "It's not my fault you have crazy fans, aru." He didn't know that Steve is an opium dealer. He also didn't know they were standing outside a hit man's apartment either.</p><p>Stephen smacks the wall with his fist. "Screw Alfred. I don't want you on my show and that's final! Your ideas are too dangerous for the public to see."</p><p>China huffs. "Fine. You Americans never pay me anyway." Isn't that the truth. America never pays China. He always says something like 'Sorry, I don't have money.'</p><p>Frugal Scheme: <strong>Failure</strong>.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Poor China. :( He had rotten luck.</p><p>In China, the color red is luck.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Pick-Up Lines</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>1. If you're raising money to help a fellow country, don't let them know until the end.</p><p>2. Schemes can be legal or not. (Try not to get arrested or worse.)</p><p>3. The schemes can range from a country's specialty to ideas from the news.</p><p>4. Countries can team up and work together.</p><p>5. Countries (or their pets) are allowed to crash other countries schemes, making them succeed or not. Everything is fair game when it comes to money.</p><p>The Golden Rule: If possible, don't spend money to make money.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Earlier in the day, France witnessed an unkempt man getting rejected by a beautiful woman. It was a pathetic display of courting. The man gave terrible pick-up lines, and in the end, he ended up getting slapped by the woman.</p><p>Contrary to popular belief, the French rarely use pick-up lines. It's all about flirting, being casual and romantic, and having a carefree attitude. But it doesn't mean that his citizens have to be horrible at it.</p><p>Men these days have no clue on how to properly court a woman. It's as if they took courting lessons from England's people!</p><p>That's when an incredible idea hit France: run a telephone help line to give advice to hopeless men in scoring their dream girl. (He's especially teaching them excellent pick-up lines.) France is the country of love, he's qualified for this job.</p><p>France certainly needs the money. He desperately wants to buy higher quality wine. The wine he has money for tastes like crap. The Frenchman wants the good stuff.</p><p>France sits on his conch comfortably, staring at his home phone in anticipation. France sighs, "Mon dieu, when am I going to get a customer? I didn't think it would take so long." Honestly, France thought he would have customers pouring in. Sadly, he is wrong.</p><p><em>Maybe I should have advertised more on Facebook? </em>His phone starts ringing. France picks up the phone in excitement and answers it. It's his first customer; he hopes he does a good job.</p><p>"Bonjour! Welcome to Pick-U-Up Lines. Are you ready to woo your future lover to bed?"</p><p>"<em>What the bloody hell are you saying, frog? Is this a sick French joke!?"</em></p><p>A devilish smile worms its way onto France's face. He's going to have a <em>lot </em>of fun with the black sheep. "Ah, Angleterre, I knew it was a matter of time before you called me for advice on love~"</p><p>"<em>I did not! I called to tell you the date for next G8 summit meeting, you git. Your so-called 'help line' is the same number as your house phone!"</em></p><p>France wishes he could see the look on England's face. England's angry face is amusing to look at. In France's opinion, the angry face makes England's ugly eyebrows look like a wild caterpillar on the loose.</p><p>France wants to steer the conversation to something more….interesting. "It's a shame the English are horrible lovers. Everyone knows the French are the best lovers. Look at the caterpillar on your face. I recommend you shave it off; it might attract some ladies, if you're lucky," laughs France.</p><p>"<em>Englishmen are better lovers! We gentlemen are able to keep our girlfriends longer than unfaithful Frenchman," hollered England into the phone.</em></p><p>France narrows his eyes. How dare that scone lover say such a thing! If England was in the room, he would punch him. "I know better pick-up lines than you," challenges France.</p><p>"<em>Is that a challenge?"</em></p><p>France smiles gleefully. England sounds so furious, yet there's a small hint of interest in his voice. "Oui. The winner is crowned the best lover and gets bragging rights for a year."</p><p>"<em>I'll beat you at your own game, git."</em></p><p>France voices his afterthought, "Also, whoever back downs pays the bill."</p><p>"<em>Why the bloody hell should I pay your phone bill?"</em></p><p>"Non, not the phone bill. The bill for my services. You are using time on my company phone," corrected France.</p><p>"<em>It's your house phone, not a company phone!"</em></p><p>France decides to interrupt England before he goes on a rant. He didn't want him to lose track of the competition, after all.</p><p>"I'll start: Do you believe in love at first sight? Or should I walk by again?"</p><p>"<em>I can top that! If a fat man puts you in a bag at night, don't worry I told Santa I wanted you for Christmas."</em></p><p>France breaks into hysterics. "Are you in a festive mood, Angleterre? Maybe Pere Noel will give you good pick-up lines for Christmas," mocks France. He knew England is terrible at flirting, but not this bad. The former pirate resorted to cheesy pick-up lines!</p><p>"<em>I'd love to see you do better."</em></p><p>"Gladly. If I said you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? Ohonhon~" France wraps one arm around himself.</p><p>"<em>You perverted frog! It's typical of you to say revolting things."</em></p><p>"Are you already backing down? I'll gladly send you the bill right now." France will definitely send England an extra expensive bill. It'll be fun to drain heaps of England's money.</p><p>"<em>I'm not surrendering to you of all people! I've got skittles in my mouth, want to taste the rainbow?"</em></p><p>"Oh my Angleterre. I never knew you wanted to share a French kiss with me~"</p><p>"<em>I will not kiss you, bloody frog. I-" "Hey England, are you and France finally releasing your guy's sexual tension," </em>interrupts America on England's side of the phone.</p><p>"<em>I am not-" </em>The phone hangs up. France grins. He won the pick-up line contest. Of course he would. He's French, after all.</p><p>France's phone rings again. He smiles. Hopefully, it's another customer and not England calling him again to complain that he 'didn't' lose. If so, he'll send the bill after this call.</p><p>"Bonjour! Welcome to Pick-U-Up Lines. Are you ready to woo your future lover to bed?"</p><p>"<em>You're going to help me 'woo' big brother, or else."</em></p><p>France gulps, "Is that you, Belarus?"</p><p>"<em>Yes." </em>Belarus pauses for a moment.<em> "If you don't help me, let's just say I know where you live."</em></p><p>France definitely gave Belarus love advice after that sentence. At least Belarus pays good, though.</p><hr/><p>Russia walks around his house when a chill crawls up his spine. His Belarus-is-nearby sense is ringing alarm bells in his head. Russia power walks to the safety of his room. Right when he opens his bedroom door, Belarus pounces on him from behind.</p><p>Russia falls to the floor, with Belarus still on his back. Belarus immediately flips Russia, so he's facing her. Belarus keeps one knee between her brother's legs, and her other leg on his left leg. The woman leans towards his face, with a creepy smile on her face.</p><p>Russia's body freezes. He can't escape from Belarus' grasp. The Russian prepares himself for the dreaded 'marry me' line. "W-What do you want, Belarus?"</p><p>Belarus puts her nose to Russia's nose. She whispers, "Want to help me repopulate our countries, big brother?"</p><p>Russia shoves Belarus off of him and runs through the wall, screaming for Belarus to leave him alone.</p><p>Frugal Money Scheme: <strong>Success</strong>.</p>
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